Adultery –“voluntary sexual intercourse between a married man and someone other than his wife or between a married woman and someone other than her husband” 

(Merriam-Webster’s Online Dictionary)

Of late, many Christian women that I either know personally or Christian friends or associates of these women were shattered by the discovery of their husband’s involvement in an extra-marital affair, or multiple affairs.

At some point, a door opened in the marital relationship that led from one thing to the next and now, in some cases after 20-25 years of marriage, the specter of divorce looms menacingly over a covenant relationship that once brought joy and fulfillment to the husband and wife and glory to God.

Many in today’s permissive society consider extramarital sex as acceptable and blameless, however in God’s view, this is not so. His sexual standard for marriage is fidelity, i.e. sexual relations between a man and his wife or a woman and her husband only.

“Thou shalt not commit adultery.”

(Exodus 20:14 – KJV)

“No adultery.”

(Deuteronomy 5:18 – The Message)

 Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.”

(Hebrews 13:4 – NLT)

“Honor marriage, and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband. God draws a firm line against casual and illicit sex.”

(Hebrews 13:4 – The Message)

God’s stand on extramarital sex is clear. He makes absolutely no room for sexual relations with anyone other than your spouse and provides no exceptions to His rule.

In light of this, here is TIP #4 to help protect your marriage against adultery.

TIP #4

 Cultivate and value the intimacy of your marriage.

Intimacy – “Close or warm friendship or understanding; personal relationship”


 “It’s common to think that intimacy means two people feeling emotionally close to one another, or sharing private time together, or being sexual with each other. But the truest possible act of intimacy is to invite another person to look into your heart and mind. The act of revealing your truest and deepest feelings — the hopes, doubts, fears, joys, sorrows and all the other rich details of your inner life — is what constitutes the basis of all real intimacy.

What this boils down to is that the best definition of “intimacy” is simply “into-me-see”.”


Intimacy in marriage involves more than having good sex. Intimacy has to do with the sharing of your self / personhood with your spouse. It involves connecting/bonding with him/her mentally, emotionally and spiritually. It involves in-depth sharing.

To build intimacy in your marriage, communication is necessary.

To help foster intimacy and closeness in your marriage, keep the channels of communication open. When speaking or listening to your spouse, be attentive. Seek to understand and be understood. Discuss important issues. Discuss interesting issues. Share humor. Share insights.

Additionally and most importantly, share your truest and deepest thoughts, feelings, likes, dislikes, fears, concerns, cares, challenges, struggles, hopes, goals, dreams, desires, revelations etc. Ask God for wisdom about what, where, when and how to share  sensitive issues that need to be disclosed.

Communicating this way with your spouse may not be comfortable or easy at first, especially if it does not come naturally to you, or if you have had a negative experience with such “soul sharing”, but is it well worth the effort considering the resulting intimacy and strengthening of your marital relationship. Ask God for courage and believe that He will give it to you.

Indulging in this level of personal communication creates emotional bonding and fosters deep meaningful attachments and as such, is best reserved for your spouse only.

Such intimate communication with someone of the opposite sex other than your spouse whether in person or over the telephone or Internet is very damaging and potentially destructive to your marital relationship because not only does it rob your spouse of deep emotional intimacy with you and create distance between you, the resulting connectedness with the other individual often leads to emotional adultery, i.e., unfaithfulness of the heart, and then on to physical adultery. 

(Recommended Reading –  Google the following articles – 1) “Avoiding Emotional Adultery by Dennis Rainey” and 2) The Truth About Emotional Affairs by Monika Lewis”)

When apart, touch base with your spouse throughout the day. Make a call, send a text, or send an email. This will help keep the connection between you alive and keep your relationship at the forefront of each other’s mind. In the evening, share the events of each other’s day to keep high levels of inclusion in your relationship.

Cultivate and value the intimacy of your marriage.

The prevalence of marital infidelity is sad, disturbing, and extremely grievous to the Holy Spirit of God.

Fellow Christians/Believers in Christ/Kingdom Ambassadors/Saints, by the grace of God, let’s do all we can to protect our marriages and keep them away from the snare of adultery / extramarital affairs and encourage others to do the same all to the honor and glory of God.

Visit again for TIP #5

Peace & Blessings!


Copyright © 2012 by Kim, Author of “Unwalled” Blog, All rights reserved.

Image “Double Heart Shaped Silver Rope Tied” by nuttakit courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.Net



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