“IT’S NOT OKAY”…….AGAIN

“IT’S NOT OKAY”…….AGAIN

IT’S NOT OKAY

 

When I sat down to write a new post this morning, as I began praying re: what to write, a post that I wrote in April of 2012 called “It’s Not Okay” kept coming to mind.

This led me to reblog the post because I believe someone needs to read it to either be encouraged themselves to speak up and say “It’s not okay”, or inspired to encourage someone else they know who is dealing with a situation to speak up and say, “it’s not okay”.

The post is below……..be encouraged, be challenged, and be blessed.

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IT’S NOT OKAY

(April 14th 2012)

Today I thought about how sometimes there are things that people do or say to us that are not okay with us, but we never say so.

We may want to speak up, need to speak up, or even know in our hearts and spirits that we should speak up, yet against our better judgment, we remain quiet.

I reflected on instances in my life where I either wanted to, needed to or should have said “It’s not okay”, but did not, and on conversations I’ve had with persons facing various situations who confessed that they regrettably chose silence also.

My random musings led to my writing the following poem from the view-point of different people each dealing with different situations, yet voicing the same message that “It’s not okay”.

As you read it, may you be empowered to say “It’s not okay” when you want to, need to, or simply should.

“IT’S NOT OKAY “

FROM A CHILD

It’s not okay for you to tell me I ought to live one way then you live the opposite way, practicing the very things that you tell me not to do simply because you are the adult and I am the child.

It’s not okay for you to abuse me physically, mentally or emotionally simply because I am small and can not defend myself.

FROM A YOUNG GIRL

It’s not okay to sexually harass or pursue me simply because I have the body of woman yet am only a child.

It’s not okay to assume I enjoy your sexual remarks about my body, simply because I do not say anything to you about it.

FROM A TEENAGE BOY

It’s not okay to see me struggle between boyhood and manhood and not help me through this phase in my life simply because I act “out of sorts” at times.

It’s not okay to trivialize what I say is a big issue for me simply because it not a big issue for you.

FROM A YOUNG PERSON

It’s not okay for you to dismiss my voice simply because I am young.

It’s not okay for you to assume I have no stress or pressure simply because I am not an adult.

FROM A SPOUSE

It’s not okay to share your deepest, thoughts, desires, challenges and dreams with your co-worker thereby creating an emotional bond exclusive of me, simply because they are available and easy to talk to.

It’s not okay to remain “friends” with someone who disrespects our marital covenant and commitment to each other as husband and wife simply because you like their company and do not want to hurt their feelings.

FROM A WIFE

It’s not okay for you to cheat on me simply because I no longer have the body of a 20-year-old and the prospect of sex with a younger woman thrills you.

It’s not okay for you to dismiss my need for emotional intimacy simply because you do not see it as being as important as sexual intimacy.

FROM A HUSBAND

It’s not okay to withhold yourself from me sexually leaving my needs unmet then send me out into a world saturated with sexual temptation expecting me to never fall, simply because sex is not a priority for you.

It’s not okay for you to dismiss my need for sexual intimacy simply because you do not see it as being as important as emotional intimacy.

FROM AN OLDER EMPLOYEE

It’s not okay to pressure me into early retirement simply because in your eyes I am old and you feel you have no need for me.

It’s not okay to place limits on my potential without assessing it simply because in your eyes, I am old and incapable.

FROM A HOMEOWNER

It’s not okay to come into my home and steal the material possessions that I worked hard for simply because you want them and don’t have them.

It’s not okay to have loud parties into the wee hours of the morning every weekend, preventing me, my family and our neighbors from resting simply because you want to.

FROM A MAN OF GOD

It’s not okay for you to come into the house of God dressed so sensually that your “stuff” is in my face making it hard for me to worship and not think lustful thoughts simply because you think it’s “fashionable”.

It’s not okay to “dismiss” my masculinity and strength simply because I cry when touched by the Spirit of God.

FROM A WOMAN OF GOD

It’s not okay for you to expect me to “dumb down” spiritually simply because the anointing of God on my life intimidates you.

It’s not okay to assume I don’t need or want your leadership simply because you perceive me as strong.

FROM AN EMPLOYER

It’s not okay for you to steal from me through excessive personal calls, web surfing, email and socializing in the workplace simply because I do not track your every move.

It’s not okay to come to work and do just enough to get by then expect a raise simply because of inflation or poor money management.

FROM A VICTIM OF BULLYING

It is not okay to bully me simply because I am different from you.

It’s not okay to take advantage of me simply because you minimize me in your eyes.

FROM A MEMBER OF THE GENERAL PUBLIC

It’s not okay to drive around with your profanity-laced music blasting simply because you want it that way or assume I want to hear it too.

It’s not okay to walk around with your pants dropping down and your underwear exposed simply because you think it is “cool”.

FROM A PERSON IN A RELATIONSHIP

It’s not okay for you to stand by my side in the good and easy times then push me away simply because times are more difficult.

It’s not okay to take all the time and not give simply because I have a generous, easy-going nature.

FROM A BELIEVER IN CHRIST

It’s not okay to condemn me simply because you do not understand what God is doing in my life.

It’s not okay to put down my spirituality simply because I worship God in Spirit and in truth more differently than you do.

FROM ALL WHO DARE NOT SPEAK UP

TODAY WE SAY

“IT’S NOT OKAY”

Father, please grant us the grace, wisdom and boldness to speak up when certain things are not okay and we know in our hearts by your Spirit that we need to say so in Jesus’ Name……..Amen.

Be encouraged!

Kim

Copyright © 2015 by Kim Sweeting, Author of “Unwalled” Blog, All rights reserved.

“It’s Not Okay”Copyright © 2012 by Kim Sweeting, Author of “Unwalled” Blog, All rights reserved.

Image “STOP” courtesy of vegadsl/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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14 thoughts on ““IT’S NOT OKAY”…….AGAIN

  1. Great post, Kim. It’s so much easier sometimes just to ignore things and say nothing but God didn’t put us here just to take the easiest way all the time.

  2. Hey David….thanks!…I totally agree…..with practice and relying on His grace, we can speak up when we need to…..hope things are going well with you…:)

  3. I certainly like your enthusiasm. But I don’t share it unfortunately. I’ve chosen silence all to often also. Then when I finally do say “It’s not okay” it always ends up being fatalistic, as in divorce or teen aged children severely hating me. Or I they.

    So if you don’t mind I’d like to stop being silent for a moment so that maybe you can see another side. My son came home years ago with face metal piercings and a rainbow Mohawk hairdo, both things that I strictly forbade at 16. He didn’t care because his mother encouraged him by telling him that I was just insensitive and didn’t matter. She repeated that mantra with all of our children – I suppose because of some weird need to be their friend and not their guiding light. She agreed to whatever they wanted as teenagers regardless of what I thought or said.

    Once I found a case of condoms stashed behind our washing machine n the laundry room. When I say “case” I mean 12 boxes of 1,044 each, which was over 12,000 condoms – or at least I hope there were still more than 12,000 in there (my wife was a nurse at a clinic and she apparently stole them from work) When I inquired about them she retorted “Well what else am I supposed to do? Let her get pregnant?” (Referring to our middle child, Sarah, aged 15 at the time.) Of course my wife never bothered to talk with me about this, nor did I even know that Sarah was sexually active – other than chasing boys off my property every other day.

    Sarah is 24 now and called me 9 months ago crying that her mother – my ex – was kicking her out of her house and that she had no where to live. I went and purchased all new bedroom furniture for her, clothing and whatever else she needed rent-and food-cost free for the last nine months. She had four rules: Do the dishes, shovel the drive in the winter time, no eating food in the bedrooms, and do not – do not – do not associate with a person that I know personally to be a dangerous criminal, an ex-neighbor. That last one was non-negotiable. The first three she broke continuously and non-stop, either claiming that I never said that or that I could just go f*** myself. I was silent through out it all. She did the dishes twice in 9 months, constantly cursed and spouted hateful remarks to my new girlfriend, and refused to shovel the drive, going as far as complaining when she slipped and fell on it. Then two weeks ago she came home and announced that the “criminal” had offered her a job as a personal assistant and promised to buy her a house, new car, and the best cell phone available, and that she was considering taking the job. The next morning I helped her pack her things and moved them in crates to the driveway, changed the locks, and said I would help her find a room-mate situation and pay the first two months rent for her. She told me that she hated me and that I could go F*** myself and that she would never speak to me again. She called me twice later that day to reiterate that she F-ing hated me and that she was going to commit suicide. Which, btw, is something she did continually as a teenager, costing my ex-wife and I over $30,000 in medical expenses for several extended stays in psychiatric hospitals and institutions. What we got for our money was a diagnosis of a selfish, near psychopathic daughter who would do anything – including feign suicide – to get whatever she wanted.

    Do I feel bad over this new resolution I have to never help her again? Of course I do. And I’m glad about that too, otherwise I wouldn’t be much of a human, would I? I’m sorry, that is true, but it will not change the fact that I will never help her again. And frankly all the points you offered above are taken introspectively. As if “What could I have done better?” to make the situation less traumatic? Sometimes there is just nothing, like silence. You should add that to your list….

  4. John…Thank you and thanks for sharing..……you have certainly had to deal with some very complex, difficult and still painful challenges and decisions and you are absolutely right in saying that sometimes silence is the better choice. Ecclesiastes 3:7 says there is a time to be silent and a time to speak up and the thing is that whichever we choose, there is no guaranteed positive result. Personally, if I pray about and sense deep in my heart and spirit that I need to speak up in a situation or to be silent in a situation, once I do what I believe in my heart to be the right thing, even if the result is a “costly storm”, I take solace in the fact that I prayed about my decision and sensed it to be the right thing to do at the time and I draw strength and peace from that, as well as strength, peace, and wisdom from God to help me know how to move forward and deal with the “storm”. Again, thanks for stopping by and breaking your silence today by sharing some of your experiences….may God’s grace and peace rest upon you as you move forward.

  5. Kim, yes indeed, I must agree 100% with you on that… Prayer is the thing that I first forgot during the emotional roller coaster ride that I just went through. I think we sometimes get so tied up into things that we forget that. I couldn’t even work last week, I had to take the week off in order to gain my senses back. About the third or fourth day it was tearing me up so bad that I finally realized that I needed to pray for guidance. That’s when it came to me that God doesn’t put us through anything that He Himself has not suffered, (in the form of His own child.) And as a parent, and as I’m sure a lot of other parents might agree, it is far worse to suffer your child’s pain rather than your own. And with that I started pulling through. In fact I was back at work this morning when I wrote that earlier note. And that is maybe something important that you can add to your points: So many people in this country, and around the world probably, believe that only Christ suffered for us. That’s just not true. “For God so loved the world that HE – HE – gave the world his only Son to be crucified for our sins.” God Himself (though I believe only the head of the Trinity) suffered far greater than Christ did. But I think Christ’s love is what erased our sin, washed in His father’s tears. Love, of course, is the ultimate answer, Thank you for your prayers.

  6. Hi John…what you walked through re: being so overwhelmed and shell-shocked by life that you forgot to pray is something I’m sure many of us have walked through at some point, and may walk through again….thanks for so candidly sharing it and how God guided you through to the place of prayer….He is so merciful and loving. Your comment is so rich in truth, especially what you noted about it being far worse as a parent to suffer your child’s pain rather than your own and how not only Christ, but God as His Father suffered because of His suffering….and you are right….love, immense, unfathomanle, unmeasurable, indescribable, unexplainable love, was the ungirding impetus behind it all….thanks again for commenting….keep trusting, keep believing, keep hoping, keep praying….His grace is sufficient and your times are in His hands…God bless

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