FIVE “SANITY-KEEPING” STRATEGIES FOR WIVES
Whenever a man and woman come together in holy matrimony, there is an intermeshing of two distinct bodies, minds, souls, spirits, families, histories, experiences, personalities, worldviews, expectations, and imperfections so conflict is inevitable at some point in the union.
This stands true whether the individuals are Believers in Christ or not……can I get a witness???…okay, I won’t get “churchy” on you (smile!).
Having recently celebrated 25 years of marriage, I’m blessed to be able to say that the canvas of my matrimonial relationship is painted with more blue skies than gray, more mountains than valleys, and more roses than thorns, nevertheless, like many other Christian women, I’ve faced my share of marital challenges.
The following are five “sanity-keeping” strategies that I’ve found helpful in my experience as a married Christian woman.
I shared them previously in April of 2011 and felt a need to share them again today for someone…….if that’s you, my prayer is that you’ll find them helpful too.
1) Recognize and accept that your husband is not perfect.
This may come as a great surprise to you, but your husband is not the only one in your marital relationship that is not perfect, neither are you…..ouch!
It’s important to accept and recognize that the same way you’re on a life-long journey of learning, growth, and development and are therefore likely to make some mistakes or “not so good” decisions at some point, so is your husband.
Remembering this will help you to have more patience, compassion, and understanding when it comes to dealing with his shortcomings, weaknesses, and failures.
2) Look to God as your source, not your husband.
Whatever your needs, whether mental, emotional, physical, spiritual, or financial, practice going to God first about how they can be met as opposed to automatically looking to your husband to meet them.
Ask God for wisdom and direction as to how best to deal with your needs, and know that at times, He may not give you the liberty of voicing them to your husband, but may instead require you to quietly wait on Him to intervene and meet them in His way and His time.
Also, remember that by divine design, your husband will never be able to meet all of your needs so be careful not to fall into the trap of placing unreasonable demands on him, i.e., expecting him to give you what only God can give, or be to you who only God can be.
3) Don’t try to change your husband.
Although they may deny it, many Christian women secretly take on the role of “Holy Ghost Jr.” and set out to change their husbands into the man that they believe he should be.
Woman of God, do yourself and your husband a favor and “don’t go there”.
No matter what you may think, feel, or believe, the truth of the matter is that you can not change your husband, only God can, so you may as well not even try.
Setting out to change your husband is an exercise in frustration and futility because changing a person is a role reserved by God for the Holy Spirit to be done in His way and His time.
Also, be aware that even when your husband is in “error” or “at fault”, sometimes God may not change him right away, but may instead require that you adjust or change first instead.
From your view, this may not be pleasant, or even seem fair, but God is God so we must trust Him and His infinite wisdom to work, in and through our situations as He knows is best.
4) No matter what your husband does, forgive him.
Let’s face it, whether intentionally or unintentionally, sometimes husbands say and do some very hurtful and even harmful things.
When faced with this kind of situation, in spite of the temptation and or desire to retaliate or hold bitterness, anger, and resentment toward your husband, you need to forgive him.
Hold on a minute!!!!!
Do you know what he did to me?
Do you know what he said to me?
Do you know what he told others about me?
Look at how much I am suffering!
And I must forgive him?
You have got to be out of your mind!!!
Yes, I am out of my mind.
I am out of my fleshly mind because my fleshly mind would tell you to retaliate and seek some type of revenge, to find a way to as Bahamians say, “do him in!”, but that is not the way of the Kingdom; it is not the mind of Christ.
Matthew 6:14, 15 states, “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (New Living Translation)
No one on the face of this earth, including your husband, is worth influencing you to the point where you find yourself walking in a place of unforgiveness with God…….absolutely no one! Selah!
No matter what we face within our marriages, as Christian wives, it is critical that we diligently guard our hearts from harboring a spirit of unforgiveness towards our husbands.
If ever you find it difficult to forgive your husband, stop and think about the many times you sinned against God and He in His mercy forgave you………..I think that should help.
5) Never love your husband more than you love God.
As Christian women, while it is Biblically correct to obey our husbands, we’re not to do so if what our husband desires is in opposition to what God requires.
God measures our love for Him by our obedience to Him so if we do what our husband desires when it is in opposition to what God requires, we show that we love our husbands more than we love God and this is never right.
God is a jealous God and He makes it emphatically clear in His Word that we are to have no other gods before him.
This means that no matter how “good” your husband may be he should never have first place in your life.
Love your husband, but never allow him to sit on the seat of the throne of your heart, that place is reserved for God alone.
If you ever allow your husband to become an idol in your heart, you can rest assured that at some point, God will take action to correct the situation.
Well, those are five “sanity-saving” strategies that I have found helpful in my experience as a married Christian woman….I hope you found them helpful too.
Copyright © 2016 by Kim Sweeting, Author of “Unwalled” Blog, All rights reserved.
“FIVE SANITY-SAVING STRATEGIES FOR DESPERATE WIVES” Copyright © 2011 by Kim Sweeting, Author of “Unwalled” Blog, All rights reserved.
Image “LOVERS” by Rosen Georgiev courtesy of http://www.FreeDigitalPhotos.Net