TEN TIPS TO HELP PROTECT YOUR MARRIAGE AGAINST ADULTERY / EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIRS (TIP#5)

10 TIPS TO HELP PROTECT YOUR MARRIAGE AGAINST

ADULTERY / EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIRS – (TIP #5)

“TOGETHER FOREVER”

Adultery –“voluntary sexual intercourse between a married man and someone other than his wife or between a married woman and someone other than her husband” 

(Merriam-Webster’s Online Dictionary)

Of late, many Christian women that I either know personally or Christian friends or associates of these women were shattered by the discovery of their husband’s involvement in an extra-marital affair, or multiple affairs.

At some point, a door opened in the marital relationship that led from one thing to the next and now, in some cases after 20-25 years of marriage, the specter of divorce looms menacingly over a covenant relationship that once brought joy and fulfillment to the husband and wife and glory to God.

Many in today’s permissive society consider extramarital sex as acceptable and blameless, however in God’s view, this is not so. His sexual standard for marriage is fidelity, i.e. sexual relations between a man and his wife or a woman and her husband only.

“Thou shalt not commit adultery.”

(Exodus 20:14 – KJV)

“No adultery.”

(Deuteronomy 5:18 – The Message)

 “Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.”

(Hebrews 13:4 – NLT)

“Honor marriage, and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband. God draws a firm line against casual and illicit sex.”

(Hebrews 13:4 – The Message)

God’s stand on extramarital sex is clear. He makes absolutely no room for sexual relations with anyone other than your spouse and provides no exceptions to His rule.

In light of this, here is TIP #5 to help protect your marriage against adultery.

TIP #5

Spend time doing things together.

One of the most common ways that intimacy, a sense of connectedness and even general communication is lost in a marriage is by spouses not spending enough time together.

It was spending time together that was key in creating your relationship with your spouse and it is spending time together that will help preserve it.

Beware of contracting the lethal “two ships passing in the night syndrome” i.e., you and your spouse becoming so enmeshed in your own worlds, or so caught up in daily responsibilities, schedules, and commitments, that you spend little or no time with each other and end up simply sharing the same living space with little or no meaningful contact.

In the same vein, beware also of investing so much time and energy in your career, work, church, personal interests, and/or children that you have little or none of yourself left to invest in your relationship with your spouse resulting in him/her feeling neglected or unvalued and therefore more vulnerable to others outside of your marital relationship who will be happy to give him/her the needed attention and sense of value that is lacking. 

Whatever the precipitating circumstances, seek to avoid this kind of distance/disconnect between you and your spouse at all cost as it can be very dangerous to a marital relationship. 

Spend time doing things together with your spouse, whether something recreational, a home project, some form of exercise, a lunch or dinner date, a walk on the beach or in a park, watching a movie, sitting and talking, or some other activity that you both enjoy. 

Occasionally do an activity that he/she enjoys even if you do not particularly enjoy it. This will go a long way in showing how much you care. Whatever the case, always make time to do things together and let it be quality time, not just time spent for spending time’s sake. There is a difference.

Spending time together with your spouse, talking together, being physically intimate together, laughing together, working together, playing together, and praying together will all help to strengthen and protect your marriage against adultery / extramarital affairs………..the key word is “together”.

The prevalence of marital infidelity is sad, disturbing, and extremely grievous to the Holy Spirit of God.

Fellow Christians/Believers in Christ/Kingdom Ambassadors/Saints, by the grace of God, let’s do all we can to protect our marriages and keep them away from the snare of adultery / extramarital affairs and encourage others to do the same all to the honor and glory of God.

Visit again for TIP #6

Peace & Blessings!

Kim

Copyright © 2012 by Kim, Author of “Unwalled” Blog, All rights reserved.

Image “Lovers” by Rosen Georgiev courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.Net

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10 TIPS TO HELP PROTECT YOUR MARRIAGE AGAINST ADULTERY / EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIRS – (TIP#4)

10 TIPS TO HELP PROTECT YOUR MARRIAGE AGAINST

ADULTERY / EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIRS – (TIP #4)

“TOGETHER FOREVER”

Adultery –“voluntary sexual intercourse between a married man and someone other than his wife or between a married woman and someone other than her husband” 

(Merriam-Webster’s Online Dictionary)

Of late, many Christian women that I either know personally or Christian friends or associates of these women were shattered by the discovery of their husband’s involvement in an extra-marital affair, or multiple affairs.

At some point, a door opened in the marital relationship that led from one thing to the next and now, in some cases after 20-25 years of marriage, the specter of divorce looms menacingly over a covenant relationship that once brought joy and fulfillment to the husband and wife and glory to God.

Many in today’s permissive society consider extramarital sex as acceptable and blameless, however in God’s view, this is not so. His sexual standard for marriage is fidelity, i.e. sexual relations between a man and his wife or a woman and her husband only.

“Thou shalt not commit adultery.”

(Exodus 20:14 – KJV)

“No adultery.”

(Deuteronomy 5:18 – The Message)

 Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.”

(Hebrews 13:4 – NLT)

“Honor marriage, and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband. God draws a firm line against casual and illicit sex.”

(Hebrews 13:4 – The Message)

God’s stand on extramarital sex is clear. He makes absolutely no room for sexual relations with anyone other than your spouse and provides no exceptions to His rule.

In light of this, here is TIP #4 to help protect your marriage against adultery.

TIP #4

 Cultivate and value the intimacy of your marriage.

Intimacy – “Close or warm friendship or understanding; personal relationship”

(www.collinsdictionary.com)

 “It’s common to think that intimacy means two people feeling emotionally close to one another, or sharing private time together, or being sexual with each other. But the truest possible act of intimacy is to invite another person to look into your heart and mind. The act of revealing your truest and deepest feelings — the hopes, doubts, fears, joys, sorrows and all the other rich details of your inner life — is what constitutes the basis of all real intimacy.

What this boils down to is that the best definition of “intimacy” is simply “into-me-see”.”

(www.billherring.info/Atlanta_counseling/useful-definition-of-intimacy)

Intimacy in marriage involves more than having good sex. Intimacy has to do with the sharing of your self / personhood with your spouse. It involves connecting/bonding with him/her mentally, emotionally and spiritually. It involves in-depth sharing.

To build intimacy in your marriage, communication is necessary.

To help foster intimacy and closeness in your marriage, keep the channels of communication open. When speaking or listening to your spouse, be attentive. Seek to understand and be understood. Discuss important issues. Discuss interesting issues. Share humor. Share insights.

Additionally and most importantly, share your truest and deepest thoughts, feelings, likes, dislikes, fears, concerns, cares, challenges, struggles, hopes, goals, dreams, desires, revelations etc. Ask God for wisdom about what, where, when and how to share  sensitive issues that need to be disclosed.

Communicating this way with your spouse may not be comfortable or easy at first, especially if it does not come naturally to you, or if you have had a negative experience with such “soul sharing”, but is it well worth the effort considering the resulting intimacy and strengthening of your marital relationship. Ask God for courage and believe that He will give it to you.

Indulging in this level of personal communication creates emotional bonding and fosters deep meaningful attachments and as such, is best reserved for your spouse only.

Such intimate communication with someone of the opposite sex other than your spouse whether in person or over the telephone or Internet is very damaging and potentially destructive to your marital relationship because not only does it rob your spouse of deep emotional intimacy with you and create distance between you, the resulting connectedness with the other individual often leads to emotional adultery, i.e., unfaithfulness of the heart, and then on to physical adultery. 

(Recommended Reading –  Google the following articles – 1) “Avoiding Emotional Adultery by Dennis Rainey” and 2) The Truth About Emotional Affairs by Monika Lewis”)

When apart, touch base with your spouse throughout the day. Make a call, send a text, or send an email. This will help keep the connection between you alive and keep your relationship at the forefront of each other’s mind. In the evening, share the events of each other’s day to keep high levels of inclusion in your relationship.

Cultivate and value the intimacy of your marriage.

The prevalence of marital infidelity is sad, disturbing, and extremely grievous to the Holy Spirit of God.

Fellow Christians/Believers in Christ/Kingdom Ambassadors/Saints, by the grace of God, let’s do all we can to protect our marriages and keep them away from the snare of adultery / extramarital affairs and encourage others to do the same all to the honor and glory of God.

Visit again for TIP #5

Peace & Blessings!

Kim

Copyright © 2012 by Kim, Author of “Unwalled” Blog, All rights reserved.

Image “Double Heart Shaped Silver Rope Tied” by nuttakit courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.Net


“IT’S NOT OKAY”

“IT’S NOT OKAY”

"IT'S NOT OKAY"

Today I thought about how sometimes there are things that people do or say to us that are not okay with us, but we never say so.

We may want to speak up, need to speak up, or even know in our hearts and spirits that we should speak up, yet against our better judgment, we remain quiet.

I reflected on instances in my life where I either wanted to, needed to or should have said “It’s not okay”, but did not, and on conversations I’ve had with persons facing various situations who confessed that they regrettably chose silence also.

My random musings led to my writing the following poem from the view-point of different people each dealing with different situations, yet voicing the same message that “It’s not okay”.

As you read it, may you be empowered to say “It’s not okay” when you want to, need to, or simply should.

“IT’S NOT OKAY “

FROM A CHILD

It’s not okay for you to tell me I ought to live one way then you live the opposite way, practicing the very things that you tell me not to do simply because you are the adult and I am the child.

It’s not okay for you to abuse me physically, mentally or emotionally simply because I am small and can not defend myself.

FROM A YOUNG GIRL

It’s not okay to sexually harass or pursue me simply because I have the body of woman yet am only a child.

It’s not okay to assume I enjoy your sexual remarks about my body, simply because I do not say anything to you about it.

FROM A TEENAGE BOY

It’s not okay to see me struggle between boyhood and manhood and not help me through this phase in my life simply because I act “out of sorts” at times.  

It’s not okay to trivialize what I say is a big issue for me simply because it not a big issue for you.

FROM A YOUNG PERSON

It’s not okay for you to dismiss my voice simply because I am young.

It’s not okay for you to assume I have no stress or pressure simply because I am not an adult.

FROM A SPOUSE

It’s not okay to share your deepest, thoughts, desires, challenges and dreams with your co-worker thereby creating an emotional bond exclusive of me, simply because they are available and easy to talk to.

It’s not okay to remain “friends” with someone who disrespects our marital covenant and commitment to each other as husband and wife simply because you like their company and do not want to hurt their feelings.

FROM A WIFE

  It’s not okay for you to cheat on me simply because I no longer have the body of a 20-year-old and the prospect of sex with a younger woman thrills you.

It’s not okay for you to dismiss my need for emotional intimacy simply because you do not see it as being as important as sexual intimacy.

FROM A HUSBAND

It’s not okay to withhold yourself from me sexually leaving my needs unmet then send me out into a world saturated with sexual temptation expecting me to never fall, simply because sex is not a priority for you.

It’s not okay for you to dismiss my need for sexual intimacy simply because you do not see it as being as important as emotional intimacy.

FROM AN OLDER EMPLOYEE 

It’s not okay to pressure me into early retirement simply because in your eyes I am old and you feel you have no need for me.

It’s not okay to place limits on my potential without assessing it simply because in your eyes, I am old and incapable.

FROM A HOMEOWNER

It’s not okay to come into my home and steal the material possessions that I worked hard for simply because you want them and don’t have them.

It’s not okay to have loud parties into the wee hours of the morning every weekend, preventing me, my family and our neighbors from resting simply because you want to.

FROM A MAN OF GOD

It’s not okay for you to come into the house of God dressed so sensually that their “stuff” is in my face making it hard for me to worship and not think lustful thoughts simply because you think it’s “fashionable”.

It’s not okay to “dismiss” my masculinity and strength simply because I cry when touched by the Spirit of God. 

FROM A WOMAN OF GOD

It’s not okay for you to expect me to “dumb down” spiritually simply because the anointing of God on my life intimidates you. 

It’s not okay to assume I don’t need or want your leadership simply because you perceive me as strong. 

FROM AN EMPLOYER

It’s not okay for you to steal from me through excessive personal calls, web surfing, email and socializing in the workplace simply because I do not track your every move.

It’s not okay to come to work and do just enough to get by then expect a raise simply because of inflation or poor money management.

FROM A VICTIM OF BULLYING

It is not okay to bully me simply because I am different from you.

It’s not okay to take advantage of me simply because you minimize me in your eyes.

FROM A MEMBER OF THE GENERAL PUBLIC

It’s not okay to drive around with your profanity-laced music blasting simply because you want it that way or assume I want to hear it too.

It’s not okay to walk around with your pants dropping down and your underwear exposed simply because you think it is “cool”.

FROM A PERSON IN A RELATIONSHIP

It’s not okay for you to stand by my side in the good and easy times then push me away simply because times are more difficult.

It’s not okay to take all the time and not give simply because I have a generous, easy-going nature.

FROM A BELIEVER IN CHRIST

It’s not okay to condemn me simply because you do not understand what God is doing in my life.

It’s not okay to put down my spirituality simply because I worship God in Spirit and in truth more differently than you do. 

FROM ALL WHO DARE NOT SPEAK UP

TODAY WE SAY

“IT’S NOT OKAY”

Father, please grant us the grace, wisdom and boldness to speak up when certain things are not okay and we know in our hearts by your Spirit that we need to say so in Jesus’ Name……..Amen.

Be encouraged!

Kim

Copyright © 2012 by Kim, Author of “Unwalled” Blog, All rights reserved.

Image “STOP” courtesy of vegadsl/FreeDigitalPhotos.net